HI OCD

I have a confession to make. I am mildly OCD about certain things. I don’t wash my hands compulsively or check the locks on the doors obsessively before going to bed. My OCD is not life-altering and doesn’t interfere with my ability to lead a relatively normal life. I prefer to call my obsessions and compulsions “quirks” because I don’t believe they are severe enough to be a “DISORDER.” I don’t think I need psychological treatment, but after reading this you may disagree.

For instance, I don’t like odd numbers. If I’m eating cookies I don’t eat three, I eat two or four. But I don’t count potato chips. (Because that would be irrational!) When I adjust the volume on the TV or radio it has to be on an even number. The only exception to this rule is with five and six. Five is an honorary even number and six is evil. Six should be avoided at all costs. If fifteen is too low then the volume goes to eighteen, not sixteen.

As a parenthetical aside without the parentheses, my aversion to six probably stems from being raised in the Bible Belt and, as a child, being informed of the horrific things that will happen to those who “take the mark of the beast.” I remember purposely flubbing an answer on a junior high math test because it was 666 and I couldn’t bring myself to even write that number, fearing that I would be unintentionally signing my soul away to the devil. Public school educations are dangerous. You have to watch out for their tricks. My answer that day was 665. I didn’t make a 100 on the test but five saved my life, hence its status as an honorary even number. This is logical. Don’t question it.

My handwriting poses another problem, especially capital I. Let's look at that letter for a minute.

I

It is a straight vertical line with a horizontal base and a horizontal top. It is a perfectly balanced figure if one prints it correctly, which I cannot do. When I print a capital I, it comes out crooked every time. Maybe the top is too far to the right, or the vertical line extends below the horizontal base. Or the worst scenario, the top is longer than the base. The I will never balance in those conditions! It is going to tip over!

Logically, capital H has a similar problem since it is basically a sideways I. Okay, it has different line lengths, but it still traps me in that world of unstable letters, which is a land of inequality where H and I cannot escape the torment of the prettier letters like buxom B and graceful G which is really nothing more than C with flashy accessories, but even curvaceous C is still superior to hobbled H and incomplete I!

Clearly you can see the injustice caused by my handwriting, and since I believe in equality for all, I had to right the wrong I had created.

First I tried printing my I as just a straight vertical line. No base, no top, problem solved. But then I was imprecise. Was it a capital I or a lowercase L? Perhaps it’s just a number one. We don’t know. I had lost its identity.

I concluded that cursive was the answer. The cursive I cannot be mistaken for any other letter.

This is why I type.