tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83726033650874025822024-03-14T03:35:33.043-05:00An Invincible SummerUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-17389290762760228952017-06-11T04:09:00.001-05:002017-06-11T10:35:20.186-05:00Dear Young PaulaThe author in me has been quiet for a long time now, and I want to preface this exercise with an explanation. Before I dig into this "letter to myself as a child," you should know why I'm doing it.<br />
<br />
The past ten years have been the most difficult decade of my life. Those of you who know me personally know these things already. I suffered some major losses in my family; three immediate family members - a sister and both parents - died in a span of less than five years. As if watching my sister and my mother suffer and pass wasn't enough, watching my dad literally drop in front of me without warning was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Grief, despair and honestly a lot of fear led to a deep depressive episode that I can say without hesitation was the worst one life has thrown at me.<br />
<br />
I withdrew, first from friends, then from family, and finally from myself. It's an alien world when you don't own yourself any longer. Depression owned me. Negative, hateful thought patterns ruled my life. I fought as hard as I knew how, but I couldn't stop it and I eventually gave myself over to it. I thought this was just the reality of my life now. Pain and suffering, grief and sadness, pent-up fury and hopelessness overshadowed everything else.<br />
<br />
Long, drawn-out story short, it took a year and a half of therapy to finally begin feeling like myself again. It's not over, only because it's never over for me. But I have been led to a greater understanding of myself, my mind, and my spirit, and I have my personal circle of support that I know I can lean on for help when I feel as though I can't fight it alone.<br />
<br />
I tried to be creative during my depressive episode. I knew that it was cathartic and therapeutic and I hoped it would bring me out of the pit. When that didn't happen, my "failure" to pull myself up by my own bootstraps squashed the part of me that I am most connected to. I constantly berated myself for it, which pushed my muse further and further into the darkness until she was cut off from the rest of me. This disconnect on top of my grief and anger shut off my light, so to speak, and I couldn't find my way in the darkness that seemed to go on for an eternity.<br />
<br />
But then came the violet sky that signals the onset of dawn. I could just start to make out shadowy shapes emerging from the gloom. Early morning birds began calling, and I could see the tangerine line of daybreak on the horizon of my life. The nocturnal monsters of depression slithered back under their rocks and crawled into their holes, and their torment against my spirit relented.<br />
<br />
It was about damn time.<br />
<br />
I began exploring other creative sides of myself, testing out things I'd never done before or hadn't tried in years. Through these other outlets, I could feel the writer inside me begin to awaken once again. I'm still slightly hesitant to throw her a welcome back party, but I've been visiting with her a lot lately and I think she's ready to see the sun again.<br />
<br />
That leads me to the central purpose of this post: a letter to my younger self. I've seen others embrace this exercise as a part of their healing and an examination of the self. It's also a good creative writing activity, so it has a two birds/one stone aspect to it as well.<br />
<br />
So let's get to it.<br />
<br />
Dear Paula,<br />
<br />
I'm going to tell you some things that, if you will trust me and take them to heart, will save you from a lot of hurt in the future. I know your mother has told you some of these things and you don't believe her, but they are unequivocally 100% true. Listen to them. Learn them. Live them<br />
<br />
1. Stop trying to fit in. You are pushing yourself into a space that is not Paula-shaped. You don't need to overthink everything you do and carefully construct every word and every movement to try and make people like you. Some people just won't, and that's okay. That doesn't' make them bad people and it certainly doesn't make you less valuable. It just means that you weren't put in the same place at the same time to help each other along in your journeys. They have other purposes to find, as do you. It's nothing personal. Just accept this and move on.<br />
<br />
2. Be yourself. The bonds you will form in life will happen naturally with the right people. They will love you for you, not for who you can pretend to be, and you will love them in the same manner. But the more time you spend wearing masks that you think others will like, the more difficult it will be for these people to find you. Be openly and unapologetically you.<br />
<br />
3. Know yourself. There are a lot of things you are not: athletic, fashionable, girly, trendy, or vocally melodic to name a few. I use these examples because I know how desperately you want to be these things. But you are not, and again, that's okay. You are not defined by the things you are not. You have other traits and talents that you will soon discover, and these things will be such an integral part of you that you will wonder how it's possible that you didn't see them sooner. You have already discovered a few of them. Focus on those things. You are creative, funny, compassionate, and insightful, just to kick off the list of things you really are. These are the things that will make you exceptional. I encourage you to try all the new things you want to try. But if you find they are not for you, leave them behind and move on to the next thing.<br />
<br />
4. This is one of the most important things I'm going to say, so listen closely. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. You will make mistakes. Everyone does. Your family members and friends make mistakes and you don't love them any less or treat them poorly when they do. Treat yourself the same way you would treat a friend. Pay attention to your internal dialogue and make sure it is kind. If you are telling yourself things that you wouldn't say to a loved one in the same situation, then you need to re-evaluate your self-talk. This is literally the key to your happiness. Putting this into effect now will save you from a lot of inner turmoil in the future.<br />
<br />
5. Don't wait for things to happen to you. Make them happen. Work for the things you want and never give up on your dreams.<br />
<br />
6. Sometimes chasing your dreams will lead you to places that are outside of your comfort zone. Burst through that self-imposed barrier and keep going.Don't use fear of failure as an excuse. Be afraid, then do it anyway.<br />
<br />
7. You will find the the things you seek. Yes, that's fortune cookie cliche but it's also very literal. If you expect the worst, you will focus on the negative things that happen. That leaves you without the ability to see the positive things in life. Look for the good things, and those are the things you will find. Always look for the good things.<br />
<br />
8. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. This is not a weakness. The support of others makes you stronger and increases your potential to help someone else in need.<br />
<br />
9. Don't compare yourself to others. Measure your success against yourself. Measuring yourself against other people can too easily start a cycle of inferiority/superiority which leads to jealousy and conceit. Work toward being a better you, not being better than someone else.<br />
<br />
10. Always keep fighting. Never give up.<br />
<br />
Paula, you deserve to be happy. However, you need to know that happiness is not a constant status, but rather a state of mind. Your happiness is up to you and is not dependent on any other person or suppositional circumstance that may or may not ever happen. Don't wait for happiness to come to you; find it every day. The advice I've given you is designed to help you do that.<br />
<br />
You are loved.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
Your Older SelfUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-40510201753328918142011-12-29T20:31:00.000-06:002011-12-29T20:31:51.975-06:00An Epiphany of Aging<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--> <m:smallfrac m:val="off"> <m:dispdef> <m:lmargin m:val="0"> <m:rmargin m:val="0"> <m:defjc m:val="centerGroup"> <m:wrapindent m:val="1440"> <m:intlim m:val="subSup"> <m:narylim m:val="undOvr"> </m:narylim></m:intlim> </m:wrapindent><!--[endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My right eyebrow's inspiration.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I had an epiphany tonight. I am old. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">“Pshaw!” you might say. “You are not old! You are only as old as you feel. Age is an attitude.” You would be right, and even after giving those facts extensive deliberation, I am still old. (As a side note, if you really said “Pshaw!” then you are probably old, too.) </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In years I am only 38, but middle age has been creeping up on me slowly. First it was my meteorologist knee, the one that can predict a weather shift with more accuracy than NOAA. Quickly following suit was a hip and a wrist, with my back occasionally joining in on the fun. If a storm is brewing, I’m walking like the second guy from the left on the evolutionary chart. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The next sign was my lack of desire to go out. Most people my age are married or otherwise settled down and generally go out as a couple with other couples. <span> </span>Cougars are only cool if they are hot (oxymoron, anyone?) and in my current physical condition I’m less a cougar and more a domesticated housecat: fat, lazy, and more interested in napping than in playing. I am beginning to believe that I am the female version of Garfield. I hate Mondays, I love good lasagna, and my three most prominent personality traits are sarcasm, cynicism, and obnoxiousness. The entire world is better off if I stay at home.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Tangentially related to my need to stay at home is the intensely burning apathy I feel for my phone. In my younger years I loved talking on the phone, for hours on end. When I got my first internet-ready computer, way back when the 28.8 dial-up modem was top of the line, I had to get two phone lines because I couldn’t risk missing a call. Now I don’t even have a land line and my cell phone is merely a way to send text messages and connect to the internet if I am away from my computer. If my phone actually rings, my first reaction is to groan and roll my eyes. Sometimes I even yell at it. “What? What now? I don’t want to talk to you!” even before I know who is calling. It’s not that I dislike you or even that I have more important things to do; it’s that I simply don’t want to vocalize my thoughts. This is why texting and Facebook were created. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Of course the obvious physical effects of aging are beginning to show up. Failing eyesight, thinning hair, wrinkles, age spots, dry skin, you name it. I understand and accept these things with grace, or at least as much grace as a sarcastic, cynical, obnoxious middle-aged woman can muster. What I don’t accept is that whiskery-type hair that grows in the middle of my right eyebrow. What the hell IS that thing and how did it land in my eyebrow? Did it get lost on its way to Abe Vigoda’s face? Plucking it is an adventure that usually ends with a bald spot in the middle of my brow that is far more noticeable than the single wiry white hair was in the first place. It’s a no-win situation. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Despite all these signs, I still didn’t feel like I was old until tonight’s aforementioned epiphany. So how exactly did that realization come about? While waiting at a red light, I found myself becoming increasingly annoyed with the jackwad behind me playing his stereo at top volume. A few short years ago I would simply have turned my stereo up loud enough to prevent me from having to hear his boom badoom boom, boom badoom boom bass. While the Nicki Minaj reference may score me points in the “Young At Heart” category, what was actually playing on my moderately-volumed speakers wasn’t quite that hip. I was listening to ABBA. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Yep. I’m old.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Okay, so I may not qualify for the senior discount at IHOP just yet, but the way things are going I’m just a hop, skip and a jump away from yelling at you kids to get off my lawn. Or in my case, three short, hunched over shuffle steps away. We must be expecting rain. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-38854514496328499082011-12-06T22:03:00.000-06:002011-12-06T22:03:19.589-06:0012 Extremely Erroneous Comparisons About Popular Music<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--> <m:smallfrac m:val="off"> <m:dispdef> <m:lmargin m:val="0"> <m:rmargin m:val="0"> <m:defjc m:val="centerGroup"> <m:wrapindent m:val="1440"> <m:intlim m:val="subSup"> <m:narylim m:val="undOvr"> </m:narylim></m:intlim> </m:wrapindent><!--[endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’m writing today in response to a blog post that was forwarded to me by my best friend: <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/12-extremely-disappointing-facts-about-popular-mus" target="_blank">12 Extremely Disappointing Facts About Popular Music</a>. The blog, posted about a month ago on Buzz Feed, draws comparisons between Ke$ha and The Beatles, Katy Perry and Michael Jackson, and Billy Ray Cyrus and Bob Marley, among others, and implies that due to sales or chart positions, the former artists of the comparisons are greater than the latter. The author chides the readers for “letting this happen.” But many of his facts are outright false or can qualify as an “apples and cats” comparison.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Creed has sold more records in the US than Jimi Hendrix</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Let’s start with the most obvious, and we’ll revisit these two reasons often. First, the population of the US in 1970 was just under 203.4 million. The population of the US in 2000 was just over 281.4 million, a growth of over 78 million people. More people equals more people buying records. Second, music is increasingly easier to come by now, given that a click of a mouse in the comfort of your own home can almost instantaneously deliver a single for about a dollar. These two reasons alone could nullify many of the 12 disappointing facts, or at least provide a logical explanation for why these things have happened.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But what about the actual numbers? According to the Recording Industry Association of America, Creed has certified 25 million record sales and Jimi Hendrix has certified 22.5 million. However, the RIAA tracks certifications of shipped units, not actual sales. Additionally, the RIAA does not track collaborations or performances with other artists, which comprised the first half of Hendrix’s short-lived music career, and they obviously cannot track the tremendous number of re-sales and bootlegged Hendrix recordings that are in existence. Therefore, finding an accurate number of Jimi Hendrix records sold in the US is nearly impossible. Apples and cats.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Led Zeppelin, REM and Depeche Mode have never had a number one single. Rihanna has 10</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="commentbody">Rihanna is mainstream pop music. Zep, REM and Depeche Mode were never mainstream pop. Apples and cats. Besides that, the claim as worded by the author is completely erroneous. Depeche Mode had 4 number ones</span><span class="textexposedshow"> on the US Modern Rock charts and 9 number ones on the US Dance Charts, not to mention the number ones in Italy, Sweden, Germany and other countries. REM has had number ones on the US Mainstream Rock charts and the US Alternative charts. Zeppelin didn’t release many singles in the first place (only 16, compared to Rihanna’s 42) but “Whole Lotta Love” did reach number one in other countries.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">If you really want to make a valid comparison, Rihanna has never had a number one album in the US. Zeppelin? Has had SIX. REM has had two. Even Depeche Mode has had one. So even though their singles might not have done all that great in the US, their albums as whole works have charted higher than hers.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="textexposedshow">Ke$ha’s “Tik-Tok” sold more copies than ANY Beatles single</span></h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="textexposedshow">Pardon me for my tackiness, but who gives a crap about Beatles’ SINGLES? The Beatles were an album band. Fans couldn’t get enough of the Fab Four and went directly for the entire collection rather than a single song. So given the Two Main Reasons, a Ke$ha single has sold more than a Beatles single? Apples and cats, my friend. Consider this: The Beatles’ self-titled album released in 1968 certified over 19 million copies in the US alone, and that’s just ONE of their twelve studio albums. Let’s see Ke$ha pull that one off.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="textexposedshow">Flo Rida’s “Low” has sold 8 million copies – the same as The Beatles’ “Hey Jude”</span></h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="textexposedshow">See previous paragraph. The only thing this factoid “proves” is that Flo Rida sucks even harder than Ke$ha, and from what I’ve heard, that’s quite an accomplishment. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” is more popular than any Elvis or Simon & Garfunkel song</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">More popular according to what standards and criteria? Popularity can be completely subjective. Without any factual information to compare the two, this statement is completely invalid. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Celine Dion’s “Falling Into You” sold more copies than any Queen, Nirvana, or Bruce Springsteen record</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Celine Dion is a world-renowned vocalist with a career spanning over 30 years. Most of her music isn’t really my cup of tea, but I hardly think her album sales should make any fan of Springsteen, Nirvana, or Queen feel the need to jump off a bridge. They aren’t even remotely the same genre. The Real World has been on TV for more seasons than ER. You ER fans should be ashamed of yourselves for comparing apples and cats! </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Same with Shania Twain’s “Come On Over”</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Same argument as the previous paragraph, but minus about thirteen years in the business.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Katy Perry holds the same record as Michael Jackson for most number one singles from an album</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Katy Perry had five number one singles from her 2010 album, “Teenage Dream.” Michael Jackson had five number one singles from his 1987 album, “Bad.” On the other hand, “Bad” sold over 8 million copies in the US alone and “Teenage Dream” sold under 2 million. I doubt that Katy will be taking the King of Pop’s place anytime soon. But having said that, Katy does seem to be shooting toward Pop Princess status, so kudos to her.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Barbra Streisand has sold more records (140 million) than Pearl Jam, Johnny Cash, and Tom Petty combined</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See also: Celine Dion, but add about 23 years to her career.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">People actually bought Billy Ray Cyrus' album “Some Gave All…” 20 million people. More than any Bob Marley album</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">False. Bob Marley’s “Legend” sold 25 million copies worldwide. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The cast of “Glee” has had more songs chart than the Beatles</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This is the most blatant case of apples and cats in the entire article. The cast of “Glee,” while an undoubtedly talented bunch, release several songs available by digital download (see the Two Main Reasons) for every episode aired. However, the vast majority of those songs only chart for one week, all but five are cover songs, and only one ever reached number one; “Gives You Hell” was number one on the Irish Singles Chart. That hardly makes the cast of Glee greater than The Beatles. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h2 style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This guy exists</h2><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">(Followed by a picture of Justin Bieber.)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As far as teen idols go, I’d rather my child be a Bieber fan than a fan of Jamie Lynn Spears (pregnant at sixteen) Lindsay Lohan (substance abuse) Paris Hilton (substance abuse, sex tape, no discernible talent) or Britney Spears (just generally bonkers.) At least Bieber is still a good influence, for the time being anyway. Save the Bieber hate for when the scandals hit. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Author’s note: the paternity suit has not been proven and I reserve my judgment until then. Also, my daughter hates Bieber so I’m not simply saying this for her sake. Remember, your generation had embarrassing teen sensations too.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-17304209368616332502011-10-19T00:38:00.000-05:002011-10-19T00:38:28.082-05:00Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--> <m:smallfrac m:val="off"> <m:dispdef> <m:lmargin m:val="0"> <m:rmargin m:val="0"> <m:defjc m:val="centerGroup"> <m:wrapindent m:val="1440"> <m:intlim m:val="subSup"> <m:narylim m:val="undOvr"> </m:narylim></m:intlim> </m:wrapindent><!--[endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0M-wCnu4WZI7bf2Icd1n2kwS1jV2wX2_6YENdnYBtPfPZg3uok4ZIHcykXYtWTdqp5X6CZVH12Ry28OqVnbgHR7et_1OA6BT5T4vJnv5V1-fjotB8FFoSmR2PlaTSBdipYJlcBDlBIAQ6/s1600/TARDIS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0M-wCnu4WZI7bf2Icd1n2kwS1jV2wX2_6YENdnYBtPfPZg3uok4ZIHcykXYtWTdqp5X6CZVH12Ry28OqVnbgHR7et_1OA6BT5T4vJnv5V1-fjotB8FFoSmR2PlaTSBdipYJlcBDlBIAQ6/s1600/TARDIS.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Most people can quickly answer the question of best looking celebrity without much hesitation. People Magazine puts out an annual list of most beautiful people and sexiest men/women alive. Even the 90s hit TV show Friends featured a subplot about “the freebie list,” a list of five celebrities with whom you are allowed to act out your wildest fantasies without repercussions from your significant other. People who are mentally stable don’t usually entertain any notions that such a situation would ever arise, so with the exception of creepy stalkers who take things too far, I think a celebrity crush is relatively normal. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Normal as they may be, my personal celebrity crushes have often strayed from the traditional people who normally top the lists. Oh I’ve had my fair share of those, don’t get me wrong. When I was a pre-teen, my bedroom walls were plastered with the face of Michael J. Fox. I knew his birthday, his height, his favorite food (at the time it was linguine with clam sauce – I honestly do remember the strangest things!) and I may or may not have kissed his likeness goodnight a time or two. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In my estimation, Dr. Drew Pinsky is a silver fox, Johnny Depp is beautiful, and Maroon 5’s Adam Levine is easily the finest specimen of a man I have ever laid eyes on. Most people are with me up to this point, even if they don’t share the same opinion. It’s when I reveal that I once pined for Dudley Moore, swooned over Jim Carrey, and wanted to marry John Goodman that I receive chuckles or blank stares in response. I just shrug and laugh. After all, I’m a non-conventional kind of person so why be embarrassed by my non-conventional admirations? </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There is one fascination I haven’t fully admitted to though. I hesitated because even for me it seems slightly bizarre. But in the course of a recent conversation with a friend, I learned that there are people who have romantic feelings for inanimate objects. For instance, there is <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/09/woman-who-loves-the-berlin-wall_n_873944.html">a man out there somewhere who kisses his blue Volkswagen Beetle and a woman who is in love with the Berlin Wall and married to the Eiffel Tower</a>. Given this information, I don’t feel quite so peculiar now. At least the object of my infatuation is human. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Well, not exactly. He’s actually a 900 year old Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey who has two hearts, travels through time and space in a blue phone box, and has the ability to regenerate into a new body in lieu of dying. But he’s portrayed by a human.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">For those of you not familiar with the British sci-fi series Doctor Who (specifically the revival that began in 2005) I am referring to the man himself, The Doctor. I don’t simply mean that I am a fan of the show. I think I’ve made that easily obvious to anyone who even vaguely knows me. And I’m not confusing my crush on The Doctor with a crush on the actors who have portrayed him in recent years, although I readily admit that I find David Tennant exceedingly <i>squee</i>-worthy. In fact, I was so dejected when David left the show that it was more than a year and a half after his departure before I would even consider watching episodes with Matt Smith. I finally relented and watched season five, after having re-watched season one with Christopher Eccleston and seasons two through four with David Tennant, AND… That’s when it became clear to me that my interest is in the character rather than the actors themselves.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">For those of you questioning my sanity right now, I would like to refer you back to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/09/woman-who-loves-the-berlin-wall_n_873944.html">Mrs. Eiffel Tower</a>. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There’s so much to love about The Doctor. For starters, he’s unquestionably brilliant. He’s charming and funny and mysterious (we don’t even know his name – Doctor Who?) He is against violence but is still the most feared being in the entire universe. He has a sonic screwdriver that can do nearly anything. (It doesn’t work on wood. Really?? Wood?) He’s met Shakespeare, Churchill, Queen Victoria, Agatha Christie and Vincent van Gogh. He always saves the maiden from terrifying creatures (prisoner zero, the stone angels, the Vashta Nerada, the empty child and his band of undead, gas-mask-faced mutants searching for their mummies, and the androids dressed in jesters' masks who threatened Madame de Pompadour) and not so terrifying creatures (the Judoon are just rhinoceroses, Sontarans have been compared to talking baked potatoes, and the Daleks appear to be wielding kitchen mixer attachments and toilet plungers as weapons. But I digress.) </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I am infatuated with a fictional character.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I know I am not the only person out there who has experienced this. Just this morning on the radio the DJs were discussing the decades-old debate of Mary Ann vs. Ginger, and I know plenty of guys who have mentioned Jessica Rabbit as an object of their fantasies. So fess up. Which fictional character would you put on your freebie list? </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-42844039097965387242011-05-31T21:21:00.001-05:002011-05-31T21:23:01.159-05:00Anti-Social Networking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjAzOl0fVIgfsFCfLSdqB4D8IG-RgLGcOl9ocl3RgTqD2Dduj4t4r7y77noYRBtc7tbev-6dyVkmF-ESrmnLb1BouhPr3_C7vevIfmQonO61ZuKrRdTbFXJtg-zsWzyz27xVS9UV2F-xtq/s1600/antisocialnetworking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="126" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjAzOl0fVIgfsFCfLSdqB4D8IG-RgLGcOl9ocl3RgTqD2Dduj4t4r7y77noYRBtc7tbev-6dyVkmF-ESrmnLb1BouhPr3_C7vevIfmQonO61ZuKrRdTbFXJtg-zsWzyz27xVS9UV2F-xtq/s200/antisocialnetworking.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><m:smallfrac m:val="off"> <m:dispdef> <m:lmargin m:val="0"> <m:rmargin m:val="0"> <m:defjc m:val="centerGroup"> <m:wrapindent m:val="1440"> <m:intlim m:val="subSup"> <m:narylim m:val="undOvr"> </m:narylim></m:intlim> </m:wrapindent> </m:defjc></m:rmargin></m:lmargin></m:dispdef></m:smallfrac><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In theory, social networking as a way to connect with friends and expand your social circle is a fantastic idea. Users can share updates and photos, send invitations to special events, ask for help in fund raising efforts, campaign for office, or disseminate a variety of other information to a large group of people all with just a few keystrokes and the click of a button. Recently, news of Osama bin Laden’s death spread like wildfire throughout Facebook and Twitter even before an official announcement was made. But something else has emerged from the digital generation’s inclination to share every thought with the world the instant it occurs. We have discovered that our differences are more important than our similarities. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It can start with something as innocuous as rooting for a favorite sports team. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>Go Team A! Beat Team B! </i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Then, amongst the chorus of Team A fans, a dissenting response appears. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>Team A sucks and their fans are so rude!</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Suddenly that acquaintance from high school becomes an adversary, not necessarily because of his opinion but because he levied an insult against an entire group of people to which you happen to obviously belong. You become defensive and respond as such, which kicks off a debate littered with insults and unfounded generalizations. The next thing you know, one person has blocked the other and an e-friendship has come to an end. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Or maybe you have among your friends list an associate from work. As weeks go by you notice that she constantly posts a political or religious view that is the polar opposite of yours, and is very critical of those who disagree with her. Several times a week she posts something that ridicules the very core of who you are. Maybe you don’t respond to her posts, but you still begin to look at her differently at work. Every time she smiles and bids you good morning, you remember that just the night before she was calling you a pea brain and suggesting mandatory sterilization so you don’t reproduce. You realize her tirade wasn’t directed at you personally, and she likely doesn’t even know your feelings, but that doesn’t make her words any less insulting.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Both of the above scenarios have happened to people I know, and similar things have happened to me. If you have not yet seen anything comparable on your social networking profile, just wait a while. It’s bound to happen. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If you need further proof just take a look at the comments section of any local news report. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>You’re pathetic.</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>Go jump into heavy traffic. </i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>Your parents must not have loved you enough.</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>You are a waste of human flesh and oxygen.</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">These are just a few examples of actual statements I’ve seen today in response to current events stories. While I agree that we are all entitled to our own opinions, and I wholeheartedly encourage people to stand up for their beliefs, it seems that as a society we have lost sight of the most basic primary school lesson: treat others as you wish to be treated. It has reached a point where it is no longer acceptable to voice a differing opinion, even when one refrains from being rude and offensive, as it is more often met with words of anger and derision than with a respectful agreement to disagree respectfully. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Perhaps one of the most unsettling consequences of this trend is that we are behaving this way in full view of our teenagers and young adults, essentially teaching them that it’s okay to mock, belittle and insult those who are different. We are, by our own behavior, encouraging them to perpetuate the “us vs. them” mentality rather than to strive for diplomatic coexistence. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i>The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.</i></span><i><br />
<span class="textexposedshow">- Friedrich Nietzsche</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="textexposedshow">Social networking brings our many differences to light and transmits them to potentially thousands of people in a single instant but there is always a way to express our opinions while remaining courteous to those on the other side. Next time your fingers are poised above the keyboard, ask yourself if you are going to broaden the gully or bridge the gap. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-71910690836291244732011-02-05T17:30:00.002-06:002011-02-05T17:34:18.256-06:00An Open Letter to Winter<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> 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mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">Dear Winter,</p><p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">On Christmas Eve of 2009, you assumed the role of Santa Claus and delivered us a load of snow that the weather forecasters proclaimed was a once-in-a-lifetime event. To show our appreciation for having been given a white Christmas, we created a 50 car pileup on I-40 in Oklahoma City just so we could enjoy your generous gift. </p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">Apparently you did not get the message that this was only supposed to happen once in a lifetime, because here it is the very next cold season and you’ve done it once again. I personally spent the two days after your most recent delivery joyfully burrowing through your offerings and counting my blessings with every shovelful. I finally managed to transfer all of your frosty extravagance to appropriate areas of my humble habitat and now I have received word that you plan to return with more in the coming days.</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">While we certainly admire your aspiration to share your contributions with the world, we would like to request that you tether your excitement. We here in Oklahoma are not accustomed to such luxury and, as such, we find ourselves in a bit of a predicament. Our grocery stores, having been unable to receive scheduled deliveries for a few days, have run out of food. Local residents are left vulnerable without the holy trinity of winter storm food rations: MILKBREADEGGS! We have lost our collective minds at the prospect of another visit from you and it’s only a matter of time before someone is injured by a rogue two-liter soda bottle. It’s all fun and games until a pinky toe gets severed by a madman behind the handle of a grocery cart. Tomorrow is the Super Bowl for crying out loud! We need our snacks!</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">Additionally, our children, who were just a few days ago ecstatic at the prospect of SNOWDAYS! have begun to go stir-crazy. Their eyes have taken on a somewhat wild look, possibly due to the lack of MILKBREADEGGS! and we fear that they are planning a violent overthrow of the parental governing body. We are not equipped to cope with endless marathons of Spongebob Squarepants and Disney DVDs. Tomorrow is the Super Bowl for crying out loud! We need our televisions back!</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">We don’t want to seem ungrateful, so we would like to point out that there are other places in the world that are in need of your services. I hear that the polar ice caps are melting. Perhaps if you redirect your efforts in that area of the earth, you can save us from global warming and be forever memorialized as a hero rather than the jackass who ruined Super Bowl XLV for Oklahoma, which, in case you hadn’t heard, is tomorrow night for crying out loud!</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">We hope that you will seriously consider our petition for leniency, or if nothing else have pity on us, and share your beauty with the penguins and the polar bears rather than the Sooners and the Cowboys. <span style=""> </span>Thank you in advance.</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">Sincerely,</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">SNOW-klahoma</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-83279875733163794052011-01-20T21:50:00.008-06:002011-02-05T17:35:06.288-06:00HI OCD<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> 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style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">I have a confession to make. I am mildly OCD about certain things. I don’t wash my hands compulsively or check the locks on the doors obsessively before going to bed. My OCD is not life-altering and doesn’t interfere with my ability to lead a relatively normal life. I prefer to call my obsessions and compulsions “quirks” because I don’t believe they are severe enough to be a “DISORDER.” I don’t think I need psychological treatment, but after reading this you may disagree. </p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">For instance, I don’t like odd numbers. If I’m eating cookies I don’t eat three, I eat two or four. But I don’t count potato chips. (Because that would be irrational!) When I adjust the volume on the TV or radio it has to be on an even number. The only exception to this rule is with five and six. Five is an honorary even number and six is evil. Six should be avoided at all costs. If fifteen is too low then the volume goes to eighteen, not sixteen. </p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">As a parenthetical aside without the parentheses, my aversion to six probably stems from being raised in the Bible Belt and, as a child, being informed of the horrific things that will happen to those who “take the mark of the beast.” I remember purposely flubbing an answer on a junior high math test because it was 666 and I couldn’t bring myself to even write that number, fearing that I would be unintentionally signing my soul away to the devil. Public school educations are dangerous. You have to watch out for their tricks. My answer that day was 665. I didn’t make a 100 on the test but five saved my life, hence its status as an honorary even number. This is logical. Don’t question it.</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">My handwriting poses another problem, especially capital I. Let's look at that letter for a minute. </p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:22pt;">I</span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">It is a straight vertical line with a horizontal base and a horizontal top. It is a perfectly balanced figure if one prints it correctly, which I cannot do. When I print a capital I, it comes out crooked every time. Maybe the top is too far to the right, or the vertical line extends below the horizontal base. Or the worst scenario, the top is longer than the base. The I will never balance in those conditions! It is going to tip over!</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">Logically, capital H has a similar problem since it is basically a sideways I. Okay, it has different line lengths, but it still traps me in that world of unstable letters, which is a land of inequality where H and I cannot escape the torment of the prettier letters like buxom B and graceful G which is really nothing more than C with flashy accessories, but even curvaceous C is still superior to hobbled H and incomplete I!</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">Clearly you can see the injustice caused by my handwriting, and since I believe in equality for all, I had to right the wrong I had created.</p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">First I tried printing my I as just a straight vertical line. No base, no top, problem solved. But then I was imprecise. Was it a capital I or a lowercase L? Perhaps it’s just a number one. We don’t know. I had lost its identity. </p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">I concluded that cursive was the answer. The cursive I cannot be mistaken for any other letter.<br /></p><p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzU8FUl3Hv73Cfkgj2CsJZmPhrRULFku3namoTWrEBRoxc9f3km-Oh31EnxUdUOpLWtDfUOwaVpDOm1g2PdglbcfRZ1JBmVtFVbdro6QJNjLB0HwP1UY7zjKvx-PIWo_dBAO0F8ZNaNwIf/s1600/III.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 529px; height: 348px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzU8FUl3Hv73Cfkgj2CsJZmPhrRULFku3namoTWrEBRoxc9f3km-Oh31EnxUdUOpLWtDfUOwaVpDOm1g2PdglbcfRZ1JBmVtFVbdro6QJNjLB0HwP1UY7zjKvx-PIWo_dBAO0F8ZNaNwIf/s320/III.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5564483620821934370" border="0" /></a></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal">This is why I type.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-17171149758406479362011-01-13T00:48:00.004-06:002011-01-13T07:26:33.634-06:00Getting Political For a Minute<p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Everyone who knows me knows that I’m socially liberal and thus, no fan of Sarah Palin. I am usually among the first to roll my eyes at her latest hypocritical statement or snarky jab. I’m very supportive of her career in writing books and making reality TV if it keeps her out of politics. I believe she is far too emotionally driven and acerbic to be a good choice to represent our country effectively. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">However I must disagree with the latest public outrage against Ms. Palin. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">On Saturday January 8<sup>th</sup>, 22-year-old Jared Lee Loughner opened fire at a political event in Tucson, Arizona, killing six people and injuring fourteen others including the apparent target of the attack, U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords.<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Within minutes of news reports of the attack, people online began referring to Sarah Palin’s “Take Back the 20” website, where a map of the United States was displayed with crosshairs over districts in which incumbent Democrat leaders had voted in favor of President Obama’s health care bill. She had encouraged the voting public to “take back” those districts by electing Republicans. Gabrielle Giffords was one of the 20 Democrats listed on Ms. Palin’s map. The website was shut down shortly after the incident, but the damage control did nothing to quell the outcry that Palin was responsible for the shooting. And so the political media circus begins. (Or rather, simply continues in another ring.)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Was Ms. Palin’s map in poor taste? In my opinion, yes, even before the incident in Arizona. Do I believe her public relations staff when they claim that the crosshairs were never meant to represent gun sights? Not in the least. Ms. Palin is notoriously pro-gun and an avid hunter, and I don’t believe for one moment that she did not realize that the crosshairs looked like gun sights. Additionally, Ms. Palin tweeted “Don’t Retreat, Instead – Reload!” in connection with that specific campaign, and referred to the map as her “bullseye list” which easily leads to the conclusion that the crosshairs were purposely created to represent gun sights. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">But poor taste does not equal culpability. There is no reason to believe Ms. Palin wanted Gabrielle Giffords or any of the other Democrats on her “bullseye list” to literally be targeted and shot with real guns, and the public demand that she be held responsible for the shooting only serves to increase the partisan rhetoric that has become the status quo in this country. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">There are several reasons why it is illogical to hold Sarah Palin accountable for Saturday’s attack, but the most compelling reason is the shooter himself. <a href="http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/01/jared-lee-loughner-friend-voicemail-phone-message">According to one long-time friend of Loughner’s</a>, he has had a grudge against Ms. Giffords dating back to at least 2007, a year before Sarah Palin was a household name in the continental United States. <a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=132766402">Other friends and acquaintances</a> paint Loughner as an intelligent but socially deficient young man bursting with paranoia, occupied with conspiracy theories, and who had a high level of distrust in the government in general. A cursory look at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/Classitup10">Loughner’s YouTube channel</a></span> <span style="font-size:100%;">reveals mostly incoherent ramblings. As of right now there is no evidence to suggest that Loughner might have identified closely with Sarah Palin or her ideals, that he was motivated by her call to political action, or that he had ever even seen the map in question. There is a strong indication, however, that he was a mentally and emotionally unbalanced individual.<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">If we are going to blame Sarah Palin for the actions of Jared Loughner, we may as well blame music, video games, or other incidental forms of entertainment. A rational person will not be moved to commit murder by words or graphics that depict brutality or refer to the instruments of aggression. A person who is capable of planning and carrying out an act of violence such as the one Loughner perpetrated is a person who is, to some degree, already mentally unsound even in the absence of potential outside influences.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">But if Sarah Palin is not even indirectly accountable for the attack in Arizona, why then was she so quick to disband the website with her “bullseye list” after the shooting? </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Recall, if you will, the things that were deemed objectionable in the months following the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001: the <a href="http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/news/2001/09/46771">original cover art</a> on a hip-hop CD from The Coup, Starbucks’ “<a href="http://www.snopes.com/rumors/cool.asp">Collapse Into Cool</a>” promotion, and even the release dates of <a href="http://www.hollywood.com/news/Films_postponed_after_911_flop_at_box_office/1107516">certain movies</a> that portrayed hijackings or other acts of terrorism. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">As a native of Oklahoma I remember that some country stations in the area refrained from playing certain songs in the wake of the bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, namely “I Was Blown Away” by Pam Tillis and “Boom! It Was Over” by Robert Ellis Orrall. They weren’t ordered to stop playing them; they simply felt that, out of respect for the victims and their families, these songs were best left off play lists for a while. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">It is apparent that Sarah Palin and her advisors, in a manner similar to the above referenced incidents, recognized that the crosshairs map would be considered exceedingly insensitive in the aftermath of the shooting. The removal of the website and offending graphic was not an admission of guilt.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">In closing, I would like to make a plea to my readers, whether right, left, centrist, or otherwise:<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:100%;">I believe that there are ways to make valid points without being disrespectful or hateful to those with dissenting opinions. I not only believe this, but I also try to apply it. Being that I am only human, I admittedly sometimes fail at this task. But the furious rhetoric that is so common today is reaching frightening new heights. If we don’t work together to calm the agitated political climate, it will only be a matter of time before “Divided we fall” becomes the eulogy of this country.</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-16058002186578616532010-07-28T21:52:00.004-05:002010-08-09T21:01:21.331-05:00The Balloon of Utmost Importance<span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">I have epic dreams. When I say epic, I mean EPIC. I once had a dream with opening credits. I know from my dreams that the soundtrack to the end of the world is Pink Floyd. (What else would it be?) When I was imprisoned in a futuristic P.O.W. camp with Morgan Freeman, our prototype for a personal levitation device helped us to escape. (Thank you Shawshank Redemption and whatever weird crap I had for dinner THAT night!)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">As you can probably imagine, my dreams can be a great source of inspiration for my writing endeavors. The only problem with this is that unless I get up and immediately write down every detail I can remember, the dream fades and by the time I'm out of the shower and mostly awake for the day I have forgotten all but one little snippet, usually meaningless when taken out of context, and often somewhat confusing. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">For instance, last night a balloon played a key part in my dream. It was inflated, attached to a string, like any other balloon one might see at a birthday party. But there was something special about that specific balloon that I unfortunately lost sight of shortly after my alarm jolted me from my pleasant dream state. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">My day job is repetitive and my mind has a tendency to wander while my fingers are tapping away, tending to the tedious task of matching purchase orders to invoices so the bills can be promptly paid. (Okay, alliteration overload.) Naturally the Balloon of Utmost Importance intermittently floated through my thought waves and I began playing dream detective. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">What was so important about that balloon? Was there something inside of it? A map to a treasure chest, perhaps? I could deal with being wealthy. No, that's too simple and self-serving. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">What color was it? Maybe that's the key. It was light, possibly pink or orange. Warm and inviting. Maybe the balloon was filled with a magical substance that would bring us world peace when released. No, that's too grand of a scale, and I'm not competing for Miss America. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Instructions for salsa dancing? The formula for reanimation? A time machine? What was so special about that damn balloon?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Realistically I probably just wanted to inhale the helium and sing Metallica in a chipmunk voice to make everyone laugh. But the not knowing is going to make me crazy.</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-742965288504497932010-07-27T18:29:00.003-05:002010-07-27T18:34:15.272-05:00Gleek, tank tops, and hairy ice cream<div style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:verdana;" class="yiv1750416080Section1"> <p class="yiv1750416080MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Have you ever had one of those days where you are so totally disillusioned with your life that you can’t even manage the simplest of tasks? Like you’re at work and your spreadsheet is one penny off and instead of searching for the penny difference you declare a major FAIL on your part and give up, and then you yawn and gleek all over your desk but you don’t even realize it until you stick your elbow in it and wonder why it’s all wet, and then you remember that you haven’t taken your meds yet which has likely contributed to your outlook for the day so you go ahead and take your pill and but it gets lodged in your head somewhere between your nose and mouth and you can’t get it to go down or come back out either way so you start wishing you were at home eating <span style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; cursor: pointer; -moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-origin: padding; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous;" class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1280273331_0">ice cream</span> and watching Roseanne reruns while lounging on your couch in a wife beater and underwear because even though the <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1280273331_1">air conditioner</span> works it doesn’t cool down the house enough because it’s poorly insulated and has crappy windows and it’s 103 degrees outside, and the discovery of a random hair in your first bite of ice cream is the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back and sends you over the edge even though the whole ice cream/Roseanne/wife beater scenario was a fantasy you were creating to distract you from the penny you’re missing in your spreadsheet and the gleek on your desk?</span></p><p class="yiv1750416080MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Well have you?</span></p> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-76499114770024581452010-07-27T13:26:00.006-05:002010-08-09T21:01:38.864-05:00M'eh<span style=";font-family:verdana;font-size:100%;" >I had to add the word "m'eh" to my phone's dictionary for texting purposes but when I added it I capitalized the M so now when I text m'eh it's always going to be capitalized even if it's in the middle of a sentence and that is going to bug me monumentally from now until I get a new phone, which will probably be a long time because I get attached to my electronic gadgets and I hate upgrading and figuring out new devices.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-35068566818659656062010-07-23T17:41:00.005-05:002010-07-27T18:34:47.510-05:00I Accomplished Something.<p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >I came home last Sunday afternoon to the *<span>bleep</span>* of my dying smoke detector battery. This presented a problem on several levels. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >1) I couldn’t think of any reason why I might have a random 9 volt battery lying around. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >2) I’m far too short to reach the <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1279924790_2">smoke detector</span> without assistance, and my daughter’s step stool wasn’t cutting it, which meant I’d have to go out into the scary garage and get the step LADDER. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >3) I’d have to unfold the step ladder, and it was sure to be all cobwebby and spidery, having spent most of its life in the scary garage.</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >4) I’m not capable of doing anything like a normal person. I need melodrama and fanfare. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >5) It was Sunday. Isn’t Sunday supposed to be a day of rest or something? I can’t be expected to journey into the scary garage AND climb up a <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1279924790_4">step ladder</span> on the same day, and neither on the designated day of rest! </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >6) It’s not fair. Why do batteries have to die?</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >At first I thought, “Well, if it doesn’t beep very often, I can just deal with it until tomorrow.” No sooner than the thought entered my mind, the smoke detector said, “HA! That’s what YOU think!” Well actually it bleeped again, but the intent was clear. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >I sighed dejectedly and began searching through the kitchen drawer for a 9 volt battery, which I knew I would never find. Hm. I don’t believe it. Not just one, but a still sealed pack of TWO 9 volt batteries! Jackpot!</span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >I took a deep breath and plunged into the depths of the scary garage, windmilling my arms wildly to cut a path through any potential spider webs. I grabbed the cobwebby spidery step ladder, and quickly made my way back into the safety of my living room, holding the ladder in front of me to ward off any divebomb-y type creatures like wasps, bees, or pterodactyls. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >Back in my living room fortress, my smoke detector still sounding its death rattle, I unfolded the step ladder without incident. I climbed up the two steps and deftly gave the dying detector a twist, backed off the ladder, and began trying to unlock the mystery of opening the battery compartment. I placed it on the table to get a better look at it when a tiny spider raced across the table directly towards my abdomen. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >After jumping around like a rabid monkey and making a noise that resembled a drunk turkey that had just inhaled a balloon full of helium, I gathered my wits, made my way back to the table and replaced the dying battery with the fresh new one. I knew I had inserted the battery the right way because the detector let out a loud, high-pitched, and completely unexpected scream of joy which set off a reflex reaction in my arms causing them to smack my nose. I once again gathered my wits (what little I had left at this point) and climbed the ladder to re-attach the smoke detector to my ceiling. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="yiv964689233MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" ><span style=";font-family:Verdana;" >With a sense of accomplishment, I <s>took the ladder out to the scary garage</s> leaned the ladder up against the wall in the <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1279924790_5">spare room</span>, dusted off my hands, and spent the rest of the night on the sofa.</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-34176065078838975782010-07-12T15:30:00.004-05:002010-07-27T18:35:36.106-05:00Dear Monday:<span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I realize you feel as though you are the red-headed step child of the Weekday Family, and sometimes you are not given the thanks you deserve. Without you, there would be no Monday Night Football. Without you, Garfield the cat would have nothing to complain about. Without you we wouldn't have ... um ... we wouldn't have ... that song from The Bangles.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Having said that, I have noticed that you seem to be arriving earlier and earlier each week. My clock tells me it's Monday, but my body and my brain never feel as though they've had a full 63 hours of rest. I have reason to believe that you are engaged in some sort of tomfoolery in order to cut the weekend short, and I have a feeling that Sunday night is your accomplice in this trickery.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I appreciate the fact that you are anxious to greet us bright and early and show us all the things Friday didn't get around to completing. (By the way, Tuesday can probably handle half of those things. There's no need to burden yourself with an overload of work.) However, I must request that you put an end to the encroachment of my weekends and return the extra hours at once. Please leave them with Saturday night (I don't trust that sneaky little bastard Sunday) or I will have no choice but to involve Wednesday and Thursday for mediation purposes. (I would call Friday in for assistance, but he thinks he is God's gift to the calendar. He's been insufferable since they opened that blasted restaurant chain.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Sincerely,</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Me</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-36475355050604171722010-06-06T21:42:00.003-05:002010-06-06T21:51:11.090-05:00Thank You KennaOn Friday May 28th, 2010, at 3:30 AM, my sister Kenna died. She had been fighting cancer for nearly three years when her time came. Her funeral was held on June 1, and the following piece is what I said at her services. I didn't read from a pre-written paper, only an outline, so it isn't the exact wording, but it's as best as I can remember.<br /><br /><br /><br />Each of you knows a different version of Kenna. Whether she was a relative or friend, classmate, co-worker, or neighbor, we all have our own unique memories and experiences. But I am the only one who called her big sister. I’m supposed to make you laugh today, so I’m going to share with you some things from my perspective and things my big sister taught me.<br /><br />I learned a lot from her culinary skills. When we were little, we had a dog named Elvis. One morning Kenna had taken it upon herself to make pancakes from scratch and she somehow messed up the recipe. Whether she accidentally switched the sugar and salt, we’re not sure, but they were awful! Mom put the pancakes into an old Cool Whip tub and took them out to the dog. Elvis cautiously approached it, sniffed the contents, and promptly buried the entire bowl. The lesson here is that if at first you don’t succeed, the dog is probably laughing at you too! But she did try, try again, and our appetites are a testament to her cooking skills.<br /><br />Through this experience Kenna taught me determination.<br /><br />I also learned a lot through her language skills. Kenna used to teach me certain words; the kind of words that you didn’t want to say in front of mom, and she was telling me from experience! If any of you ever hear me *accidentally* slip one of those words into conversation, just consider it a small part of Kenna’s legacy.<br /><br />Through this, Kenna taught me that there is a time and place for everything, and it’s important to recognize the difference.<br /><br />She also taught me how to successfully execute a practical joke. For the first ten years of my life, Kenna and I shared a room. One night we were supposed to be asleep, but we were talking instead, and I had taken over the conversation as I usually do. As I talked away, I was oblivious to the fact that Kenna was silently and stealthily piling blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals next to her in the bed to make it appear that the bed was occupied. She slid out the end of the bed, slithered across the floor, and popped up at the foot of my bed with a “BOO!”<br /><br />From this I learned to always sleep with a night light, and that sometimes you need to stop talking and start listening.<br /><br />Kenna taught me how to delegate responsibility by placing the things she didn’t want to clean on my side of the room. Namely, the cat’s litter box.<br /><br />Kenna taught me how to stand up for myself and those I love when she confronted a man twice her size, waving a wet newspaper in his face, because he dared insinuate that our mother had been dishonest.<br /><br />But the most important thing my sister taught me was courage. Not just the courage to ride the free fall ride at Frontier City, or the courage to eat fried gator tail in Florida, but the courage to face whatever life may throw at us.<br /><br />One day shortly after she was diagnosed, we were talking about strength. I told her, “I could never do what you’ve done. You’re stronger than I could ever be.” Kenna stopped me and said, “No! Don’t you dare say that! I am not superwoman. You find out that you do what you have to do.” It was through her courage that she taught me how to face this day, because that’s what I am doing, and what we all are doing: “what we have to do” to make it through today and every day from now on.<br /><br />So thank you Kenna, for teaching me the things that only a big sister can. I love you.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-40130619378279243542010-04-03T00:28:00.001-05:002010-04-03T00:30:44.171-05:00Just Do It: Nike Had the Right Idea"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."<br /><br />Eleanor RooseveltUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-86030322136126196552010-04-03T00:14:00.003-05:002010-04-03T00:21:47.088-05:00The Best Part of the Trip"It's kind of like going on a vacation: you plan everything out but one day you make a wrong turn or take a detour, and you end up in some crazy place you can never find on the map, doing something you never thought you'd do. Maybe you feel a little lost while it's happening. But, later, you realize it was the best part of the whole trip."<br /><br />Josh Charles as Eddy in <span style="font-style: italic;">Threesome</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-65029864386031963472010-03-31T23:51:00.005-05:002010-04-06T13:00:50.089-05:00A New Season<span xmlns=""><p>I began this blog several months ago without a clear vision of what it should be. I wrote a few editorial pieces, but I couldn't get excited about it. There's an editorial blog on every corner of the information superhighway, and although I love to write and enjoy a good debate as much as the next person, I didn't feel enough personal connection to that genre to write to it on a regular basis. So it sat all but inactive, the words of the sparse entries echoing off of the empty walls.<br /></p><p>In the meantime, a nasty winter kicked in; delivering the most snow I have seen since my childhood, along with a couple of ice storms just for good measure. Even when cold stuff wasn't falling from the sky, the gloom from the clouds lingered. Punxsutawney Phil hit the top of my list (not the good one) when he accurately predicted six more weeks of frigid misery.<br /></p><p>I found myself trying to cope with a new living arrangement, financial woes, and the serious medical problems of some close family members. My archenemy, Seasonal Affective Disorder, crept in and took hold without my even being aware of it. I spent the winter inside with the curtains drawn, in both a literal and metaphorical sense.<br /></p><p>But then a funny thing happened. The sun came out and the weather turned warmer. I opened my blinds and my windows, and went outside. I began cleaning out the garage and I mowed down the weeds that had taken my lawn hostage, again in both the literal and metaphorical sense.<br /></p><p>And I had an epiphany.<br /></p><p>I knew what I needed to do with my blog. It had been staring me in the face for months, since the moment I chose a name for it at the dawn of the previous autumn. "An Invincible Summer" is part of one of my favorite quotes:<br /></p><p></p><blockquote><p>"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."<br /></p><p>- Albert Camus</p></blockquote><p>If this little portion of my web presence was to be my invincible summer, I couldn't fill it with controversial topics, pet peeves, and potential debate. I had to create an atmosphere to remind me that, even in the depths of my own emotional winters, summer has not vanished. It is inside me, and you, just waiting for us to open the blinds and go outside.</p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-22084236529573129552009-12-03T23:16:00.001-06:002009-12-03T23:16:16.738-06:00Merry Christmas? Happy Holidays? Seasons Greetings? How about Stop the Insanity?!<span xmlns=''><p>Over the past few years the "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" debate has raged on relentlessly. While I can think of a few dozen things that are more important than which two-word phrase someone uses to greet me during the last two months of the year, many people take the debate very seriously. One side says they want to be inclusive of all the holidays that fall between late October and early January, and the other side says that they are being excluded and repressed due to their religious affiliation. <br /></p><p>I live in the Bible Belt, where there is only about a 14% chance I will say "Merry Christmas" to someone who does not celebrate the holiday, or at least the religious version of it. <br /></p><p>(Because face it, Christmas has become a consumerist-driven secular holiday associated more with parties, gift-giving, and twinkly lights than with the birth of Jesus Christ which probably wasn't even in the month of December anyway, but that's an entirely different story. As far as I'm concerned, if Christians want religion put back into the holiday of Christmas, LET THEM DO IT. I loathe the month of December because of what Christmas has become. I can't even go to the store for laundry soap without being run over by some red-nosed, crazy-eyed soccer mom hell-bent on snagging the latest gadget for her already overly-sedentary kid. For the record I very briefly considered going shopping on Black Friday just to see what the fuss is all about but decided it wasn't worth it. Why go to Pamplona when I can see highlights on TV and not risk getting gored to death by a riotous bull? So yes, I would be quite happy in returning Christmas to the Christians to celebrate with the religious reverence it deserves. But I digress, utilizing what may have been the longest parenthetical aside ever written.) <br /></p><p>The phrases "Happy Holidays" and "Seasons Greetings" are not new, politically correct terms invented for the purpose of alienating certain groups of people. I remember these phrases being used when I was a child in the groovy 70s and awesome 80s, and no one complained about it. I always assumed "Happy Holidays" to be a reference to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year all rolled into one convenient phrase. That is certainly the intention behind the phrase when I use it myself. I don't say it with any malicious or exclusionary intent whatsoever. And on the off-chance that I have an encounter with someone who is not a follower of the Christian faith, I have all my bases covered without having to guess which December holiday they choose to celebrate. <br /></p><p>But with the rise of the Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays debate, I have my reservations about using it. No matter how sincere the words are when I say them, it is possible that the expression will be met with a displeasure that is counter-productive to the intention in which it was delivered. So what can I say that will be inclusive yet also non-offensive? <br /></p><p>The same thing I say during the other eleven months of the year: Have a nice day. This phrase can be modified to fit the day of the week or even the time of day and it will still be a pleasantry. Paired with a smile, it can't go wrong. If someone wishes me a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, I smile and return the sentiment. Otherwise I will stick with the standard, albeit nondescript, "Have a nice day," and then I will thank my lucky stars that I don't work in retail.<br /></p><p>Now if you'll excuse me I have to go dig my Festivus Pole out of the attic and prepare for the Airing of Grievances. <br /></p><p>Have a nice day! </p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-52695223862791377582009-10-23T23:06:00.001-05:002009-10-23T23:06:39.522-05:00Road Rules<span xmlns=''><p>Picture this: It's a Tuesday morning just before 8:00 A.M. and you're cruising along the interstate through a busy downtown area on your way to work. Forty-five miles per hour is about as fast as the traffic moves at this time on any given day and most days it's much slower, so you find it nice to be traveling along at about fifty-five. You see the small car in front of you slowing to allow a merging vehicle onto the highway, but the car on the access ramp isn't taking the opening. Then you realize that the "nice" person driving the car in front of you has now come to a complete stop in order to allow the other car to merge. As you slam on your brakes you glance up in your rearview mirror and see an 18-wheeler barreling down the highway behind you. To your right is a concrete wall. To your left are two lanes of bumper-to-bumper traffic. You have exactly nowhere to go. <br /></p><p>Having recently encountered this exact situation, I can tell you that avoiding death on the highway ranks pretty high on my list of morning tasks, and stupid drivers now rank higher than ever before on a different, not so friendly, list. I'm sure the person driving the car in front of me that morning thought he or she (I couldn't tell, and believe it or not, stupidity in driving is not gender exclusive) was being courteous and doing a favor for the merging car. What this mental midget didn't realize is that his (or her) "courtesy" nearly caused a massive accident for those following behind. <br /></p><p>It's time for a list of rules. <br /></p><h2>Merging Rules<br /></h2><p>DON'T STOP ON THE HIGHWAY unless you absolutely have to! If you want to give merging traffic an opening, it's okay to slow down or even switch lanes if you have room, but DON'T STOP ON THE HIGHWAY. If they don't take the opening, too bad. They have a yield sign. Keep driving. <br /></p><p>For the other side of this rule, you cannot merge into fast-moving traffic if you're driving 30 miles per hour on the access ramp. SPEED UP! Use your mirrors and your head (it swivels, you know) to find your opening. Adjust your speed to make the window. If merging into fast-moving traffic frightens you or makes you nervous, don't attempt it. There's no shame in utilizing the city streets. You may have to get up earlier, but you won't have to fret over merging and I won't have to make a list of driving rules.<br /></p><p>If highway traffic is barely creeping along and there are people trying to merge, there exists an unwritten rule of alternation. If you are on the highway in that mess, leave room for one merging vehicle to go in front of you. People who ride bumper-to-bumper and merge-block are loathsome. Alternate! Or in simple terms, take turns. <br /></p><p>There is one exception to the rule of alternation and most of us have witnessed it. If a lane is closed due to construction or an accident there's always one self-centered jackass who doesn't merge with the rest of traffic, but speeds right up to the cones and then attempts to merge. In this case it's perfectly acceptable to band together as traffic brethren and merge-block the moron. Listen, unless you have blue and red flashing lights and a siren, your destination is no more important than the rest of the travelers on the highway. We're ALL annoyed. Deal with it, and merge when you see the signs. <br /></p><h2>Highway Driving Rules<br /></h2><p>Stop texting. You have a death wish, fine. Don't take the rest of us out with you. <br /></p><p>The left lane is for passing. It's also known as the fast lane, for what should be obvious reason. People in the far left lane are driving faster than, and therefore passing, people in the other lanes. If you are in the far left lane, you better be going faster than the people to your right. If you are not, then MOVE OVER. If you don't have an immediate opening you can at least turn on your turn signal to show the drivers behind you that you intend to move over and get out of their way. Additionally, cruising in the left lane is illegal, so not only are you building up a dam of rage behind you, but you are also breaking the law. <br /></p><p>Conversely, if I am in one of the right lanes and I am not moving fast enough for you, please feel free to use the above mentioned left lane and pass me. Don't ride up on my bumper, don't flash your lights at me, and don't flip me off. I'm not a patient person when it comes to traffic, and these things will only make me go slower. Utilize the passing lane for its intended purpose so you can make it to your destination a minute or two before I get there, and we'll both feel better for it.<br /></p><h2>Neighborhood Driving Rules<br /></h2><p>The following situation happens to me more often than any other and it is possibly the most annoying. While driving through a neighborhood, if you encounter an obstacle on your side of the road, you should wait for oncoming traffic to clear before maneuvering around said obstacle. Whether it is a car parked at the curb, a mail or waste truck, pothole repair, or a group of teenagers taking up an entire lane to plod lazily down to the convenience store, when you go around it you place yourself in the lane of oncoming traffic. By law you are to yield, not the other way around. You will be the fault of any accidents that may occur due to your "hey, I'M driving here right now so get out of my way!" mentality. Stay on the right side of the road until the left side is clear. <br /></p><p>Sarcasm aside, school speed limits are in place for a reason. Children don't always pay attention to what they are doing or where they are going. Please slow down. Speeding through a school zone will not save you a significant amount of time in your travels (seconds at best) but it may save lives. <br /></p><p><br /> </p><p>I grew up in a small town where traffic was unheard of unless the county fair was in town, and then only if you were within two blocks of the fairgrounds. I now live in a fairly large metropolitan area and I deal with rush hour traffic on the interstate twice a day during the work week. I feel I've adapted quite well. My son thinks I have road rage. I don't think I've quite reached that level, but discourteous and idiotic drivers increase my stress level exponentially. <br /></p><p>Obviously since you are reading this, the outcome of the situation I recounted earlier ended with all parties unscathed, but not everyone is so lucky. We all have to share the road, and there are already enough perils involved in the act of operating a motor vehicle. Don't let stupidity and selfishness add to the list. </p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-5951491021034504182009-08-26T23:56:00.001-05:002009-08-26T23:56:25.379-05:00Karma and Ted Kennedy’s Death: A Personal Perspective<span xmlns=''><p>Unless you live under a rock or in a cave you have probably heard of Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy's passing early this morning. I can't say that I'm at all surprised at some of the reactions and comments I've seen and heard regarding this news. Surprised or not I'm still disgusted and even personally offended by them, not because of my opinion of Senator Kennedy but because of the utter disregard with which these comments are thrown around.<br /></p><p>Most of these comments refer to the Chappaquiddick incident of 1969. For those who do not know, although I can't imagine there are many left by now who don't, Ted Kennedy was involved in an automobile accident that resulted in the death of 28-year-old Mary Jo Kopechne, a woman who had worked on his brother Robert's presidential campaign the previous year. Kennedy drove off a bridge into the Poucha Pond inlet and managed to escape the vehicle, but Ms. Kopechne perished in the submerged car. The accident was not reported by Kennedy until the next day, after Ms. Kopechne's body had been found. Kennedy subsequently pled guilty to leaving the scene of an injury accident and received a two-month suspended sentence. <br /></p><p>"Delayed justice" and "he got what he deserved" are familiar comments peppered throughout articles and blogs today. The death of Mary Jo Kopechne was undoubtedly nothing less than tragic and, according to statements by rescue workers, possibly avoidable. But to those who think Senator Kennedy's death was justice for Mary Jo Kopechne's, I ask this: For what incident will your death be considered justice? <br /></p><p>Not a single one of us will escape what you are proclaiming as justice. You and I and everyone we know now and will come to know in the future, will all die. Furthermore, the overwhelming majority of us will not die after a lifetime as a successful politician from one of the most famous families in American history, but rather after a lifetime of back-breaking or brain-busting 40 plus hour weeks struggling to make ends meet, if in fact we are lucky enough to get a full lifetime. <br /></p><p>That brings me to my personal interest in this story, because I wouldn't bother to stay up late and write this tonight, depriving myself of sleep on a night before I have to wake early to an alarm and work some eight or nine hours, if I didn't have a personal investment in the death of a man I didn't even remotely know. <br /></p><p>Consider the story of a woman who faces terminal cancer at the age of 41. She was born and raised in a small middle-America town by parents who worked hard to make sure she and her two sisters had all the necessities as well as some extras for enjoyment. She applied herself and earned good grades, graduating high school with honors. She married and had children young, but still attended college bit by bit, graduating summa cum laude, "with highest honor," and a BS degree in accounting at the age of 37. <br /></p><p>This woman and her husband worked hard to give their two children everything they needed and extras that they wanted, much like her parents had done for her. Like many average everyday parents, she more often than not put her own wants aside for the wants and needs of her family. She wasn't flawless in her endeavors (though who is?) but she was never implicated in someone else's death. <br /></p><p>Today this woman faces her own mortality as she takes ongoing chemotherapy treatments to hold her cancer at bay for as long as possible. Today this woman spends an inordinate amount of time researching stage IV breast cancer with liver metastases, searching for specialized treatments that may grant her more time. Today this woman hopes she will be lucky enough to see her youngest daughter graduate high school in two years.<br /></p><p>If Ted Kennedy's death from cancer at the age of 77 is somehow payback for the Chappaquiddick incident, then what exactly did this woman do to deserve terminal cancer at the age of 41? Be careful how you answer, because this woman is one of my two older sisters. But she could easily be your sister, or your mother, your aunt, your daughter, your best friend, or even you. <br /></p><p>If you are going to assign Senator Kennedy's death a karmic price tag, then it stands to reason that you have to assign every death the same.<br /></p><p>You don't have to join those who are mourning the passing of Ted Kennedy. You aren't required to suddenly like him, or even attempt to find something kind to say about him. But before you open your mouth to speak or move your fingers to type, consider your words and refrain from insensitive comments. If you can't fathom it as being out of respect for him or his family, at least do it out of respect for mine and the roughly 566,000 families who will this year face what the Kennedy family is facing today. </p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8372603365087402582.post-39491469762189331472009-08-07T23:33:00.001-05:002009-08-07T23:33:23.115-05:00Mercenary Moms<span xmlns=''><p>We hear a lot these days about Deadbeat Dads, but what about Mercenary Moms? You probably know one, or at least know of one. Mercenary Mom is a woman who puts money, more specifically child support, over helping cultivate the father/child relationship. In the United States where there are more failed marriages than successful ones, the Mercenary Mom is a growing trend and frankly, these women nauseate me.<br /></p><p>Mercenary Mom has no qualms about raising child support every chance she gets, but will fight every step of the way if Dad's income drops or is cut completely. Mercenary Mom doesn't encourage her child to visit Dad and may even discourage or prohibit visits altogether. Mercenary Mom often talks down about Dad in front of the child, thereby coloring the child's opinion of Dad with her own Burnt Bitter shade of crayon.<br /></p><p>The worst kind of Mercenary Mom is the one who is so unaware of herself that she doesn't even recognize the very qualities that make her a Mercenary Mom. If confronted with it she will deny or attempt to justify her behavior by placing the blame on Dad. Mercenary Mom has become so entangled in her hostility that she projects it onto the child and even believes it originated from the child. Children have a tendency to take their parents' words as gospel, which works to Mercenary Mom's advantage. The scenario is so easily staged that it often goes unnoticed until the damage has been done. A child with a Mercenary Mom suffers just as much as a child with a Deadbeat Dad. <br /></p><h2>What Motivates Mercenary Mom?<br /></h2><p>The most obvious motivation is money, but it isn't that simple. In fact, most Mercenary Moms will tell you that it's not about the money, but look out if the money ever slows or stops! Actions do speak louder than words.<br /></p><p>Revenge, power, and control are the most common creators of your everyday Mercenary Mom. Divorces and breakups aren't often amicable, so the parties involved are bound to harbor negative feelings towards one another. Instead of working through these feelings and arriving at a civil co-parenting stage, Mercenary Mom holds tightly to her rancor. She feeds it and nurtures it like a newborn, then inevitably hands it over to her child to babysit. <br /></p><p>If Dad becomes involved with a new girlfriend or remarries, Mercenary Mom's resentment swells. Irony and hypocrisy come into play if she has also found a new love. She is convinced that the child doesn't like the new woman in Dad's life or feels awkward being with them, and refuses to acknowledge that the same is possibly true concerning her own new sweetheart. Mercenary Mom now has even more reason to withhold the child from Dad, believing she is protecting the child from an evil stepmother. <br /></p><p>The more Dad fights for his parental rights, the harder Mercenary Mom works to block his efforts. She may refuse to allow the child to visit Dad if certain demands are unmet, essentially holding the child for ransom. When she does allow visits she may grill the child upon returning to the home, in search of any tiny morsel she can use against Dad. Mercenary Mom is known to seize every opportunity to lambast Dad not only to her own family and friends but also to his. Instead of considering herself and Dad as a team united in the best interests of the child, she regards him as an enemy to be dealt with fiercely and punished harshly. Unfortunately the child is always a pawn in this game and is the one who suffers the most from the outcome.<br /></p><h2>What Mercenary Mom Isn't<br /></h2><p>Mercenary Mom isn't a woman whose ex is dangerous or abusive. A woman who has legitimate reason to deny paternal contact for the safety and well-being of the child is not a Mercenary Mom. If the father doesn't make every effort to be involved with his child, the mother is not a Mercenary Mom. More often than not, these women are not receiving child support from the father in the first place, so the most basic definition of Mercenary Mom excludes them from fitting into this category. Mercenary Mom and Deadbeat Dad cannot co-exist.<br /></p><p>Mercenary Mom isn't always limited to the female gender. Sometimes Mercenary Mom is actually Dad.<br /></p><h2>The Three Cs<br /></h2><p><em>Communication:</em> In an optimal situation Mom and Dad work together and with any other members of blended families to focus on the best interests of the child. They keep the lines of communication open not only between each other but also with the child. It's extremely important to listen to the child without judgment in order to understand how the child perceives the situation. Mom and Dad may also find it helpful to utilize empathy and try to see things from the perspective of the other parent. Mom may be worried about making ends meet if Dad's child support payments are lowered, and Dad may feel cheated if he is not given an opportunity to share special occasions with his child. If these concerns and fears are verbalized civilly it will help increase understanding.<br /></p><p><em>Compromise:</em> Give and take is such a simple concept theoretically, but it's actually more complex than it sounds. Realistically speaking, most compromises aren't fifty-fifty. Both parties may have to give more than they feel they should. Mom may feel that six weeks during the summer is too long a stretch for the child to be away, but Dad may feel that since Mom is with the child ninety percent of the year, his few weeks aren't enough. If Mom and Dad are close enough geographically, they may be able to compromise by splitting the six weeks into two three-week visits, or three two-week visits. Communication and compromise go hand in hand. The more effective the communication, the easier it is to reach a compromise.<br /></p><p><em>Change: </em>Day by day, year by year, our world changes. Children grow up and develop personalities and opinions of their own. Co-parents may change jobs or remarry or move far away. We cope with tragedy and celebrate triumph. As situations change, people must adapt. Change is going to happen regardless of your feelings about it. Learn to flow with it rather than against it, and incorporate it into your life.<br /></p><blockquote><p>"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself." ~Joyce Maynard</p></blockquote></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1