Road Rules

Picture this: It's a Tuesday morning just before 8:00 A.M. and you're cruising along the interstate through a busy downtown area on your way to work. Forty-five miles per hour is about as fast as the traffic moves at this time on any given day and most days it's much slower, so you find it nice to be traveling along at about fifty-five. You see the small car in front of you slowing to allow a merging vehicle onto the highway, but the car on the access ramp isn't taking the opening. Then you realize that the "nice" person driving the car in front of you has now come to a complete stop in order to allow the other car to merge. As you slam on your brakes you glance up in your rearview mirror and see an 18-wheeler barreling down the highway behind you. To your right is a concrete wall. To your left are two lanes of bumper-to-bumper traffic. You have exactly nowhere to go.

Having recently encountered this exact situation, I can tell you that avoiding death on the highway ranks pretty high on my list of morning tasks, and stupid drivers now rank higher than ever before on a different, not so friendly, list. I'm sure the person driving the car in front of me that morning thought he or she (I couldn't tell, and believe it or not, stupidity in driving is not gender exclusive) was being courteous and doing a favor for the merging car. What this mental midget didn't realize is that his (or her) "courtesy" nearly caused a massive accident for those following behind.

It's time for a list of rules.

Merging Rules

DON'T STOP ON THE HIGHWAY unless you absolutely have to! If you want to give merging traffic an opening, it's okay to slow down or even switch lanes if you have room, but DON'T STOP ON THE HIGHWAY. If they don't take the opening, too bad. They have a yield sign. Keep driving.

For the other side of this rule, you cannot merge into fast-moving traffic if you're driving 30 miles per hour on the access ramp. SPEED UP! Use your mirrors and your head (it swivels, you know) to find your opening. Adjust your speed to make the window. If merging into fast-moving traffic frightens you or makes you nervous, don't attempt it. There's no shame in utilizing the city streets. You may have to get up earlier, but you won't have to fret over merging and I won't have to make a list of driving rules.

If highway traffic is barely creeping along and there are people trying to merge, there exists an unwritten rule of alternation. If you are on the highway in that mess, leave room for one merging vehicle to go in front of you. People who ride bumper-to-bumper and merge-block are loathsome. Alternate! Or in simple terms, take turns.

There is one exception to the rule of alternation and most of us have witnessed it. If a lane is closed due to construction or an accident there's always one self-centered jackass who doesn't merge with the rest of traffic, but speeds right up to the cones and then attempts to merge. In this case it's perfectly acceptable to band together as traffic brethren and merge-block the moron. Listen, unless you have blue and red flashing lights and a siren, your destination is no more important than the rest of the travelers on the highway. We're ALL annoyed. Deal with it, and merge when you see the signs.

Highway Driving Rules

Stop texting. You have a death wish, fine. Don't take the rest of us out with you.

The left lane is for passing. It's also known as the fast lane, for what should be obvious reason. People in the far left lane are driving faster than, and therefore passing, people in the other lanes. If you are in the far left lane, you better be going faster than the people to your right. If you are not, then MOVE OVER. If you don't have an immediate opening you can at least turn on your turn signal to show the drivers behind you that you intend to move over and get out of their way. Additionally, cruising in the left lane is illegal, so not only are you building up a dam of rage behind you, but you are also breaking the law.

Conversely, if I am in one of the right lanes and I am not moving fast enough for you, please feel free to use the above mentioned left lane and pass me. Don't ride up on my bumper, don't flash your lights at me, and don't flip me off. I'm not a patient person when it comes to traffic, and these things will only make me go slower. Utilize the passing lane for its intended purpose so you can make it to your destination a minute or two before I get there, and we'll both feel better for it.

Neighborhood Driving Rules

The following situation happens to me more often than any other and it is possibly the most annoying. While driving through a neighborhood, if you encounter an obstacle on your side of the road, you should wait for oncoming traffic to clear before maneuvering around said obstacle. Whether it is a car parked at the curb, a mail or waste truck, pothole repair, or a group of teenagers taking up an entire lane to plod lazily down to the convenience store, when you go around it you place yourself in the lane of oncoming traffic. By law you are to yield, not the other way around. You will be the fault of any accidents that may occur due to your "hey, I'M driving here right now so get out of my way!" mentality. Stay on the right side of the road until the left side is clear.

Sarcasm aside, school speed limits are in place for a reason. Children don't always pay attention to what they are doing or where they are going. Please slow down. Speeding through a school zone will not save you a significant amount of time in your travels (seconds at best) but it may save lives.

 

I grew up in a small town where traffic was unheard of unless the county fair was in town, and then only if you were within two blocks of the fairgrounds. I now live in a fairly large metropolitan area and I deal with rush hour traffic on the interstate twice a day during the work week. I feel I've adapted quite well. My son thinks I have road rage. I don't think I've quite reached that level, but discourteous and idiotic drivers increase my stress level exponentially.

Obviously since you are reading this, the outcome of the situation I recounted earlier ended with all parties unscathed, but not everyone is so lucky. We all have to share the road, and there are already enough perils involved in the act of operating a motor vehicle. Don't let stupidity and selfishness add to the list.